so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
