This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
