isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
