so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
