is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
