I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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