i just wanna soil my oats bro
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
