Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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