Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize