If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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