I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
