My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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