so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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