just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
