GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
