I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize