If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
