i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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