Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
