I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
