Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that