dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...