Already got asked if we're dating
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Drunk is not a location!