Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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