I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian