I just saw a hot homeless man
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.