Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
