if i can run in heels then i can drive
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
