you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
