We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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