Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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