I got chris browned last night
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
