I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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