Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
