I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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