Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
