he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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