In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
