Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
