WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
