I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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