we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
