I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize