When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
