i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
