apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
