babies were throwing up all over the place
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
