I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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