My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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