I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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