It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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