Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So squirting runs in the family.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
