Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
