i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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