Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
