You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
