have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
