By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
