Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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