She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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