Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
