Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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