his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am available for nakedness
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
